The Funny Side of Losing Weight

by Jodi Weiner
The Udder Comedy Club

“Laughter on the Lake”

Losing weight has constantly been an issue for all of us.  But it is never easy. The temptations are all around us… I have tried endlessly to lose weight. I tried Nutri-System; yes I lost 30 lbs… My gallbladder. Slim Fast is another alternative. But you spend all day in the bathroom. They say to us, we should eat more fiber, more bran… I would rather swallow a rope and pull it out the other end… Exercise is also a good way to take off those pounds… They have come up with every type of exercise equipment imaginable. Tony Little, the fast talking infomercial king with the gazelle, which is a machine you sort of swing your legs back and forth in the air. I get on that machine; I don’t feel like a gazelle; I feel like a hippo. Then they have the machine called, 6 Second Abs. I’d rather have 6 second appetizers, but back to the machine. Let me tell you something. Its going to take more than 6 seconds to make my abs a 6 pack… I’m starting with a keg…They say to run. The only way I am going to run is if someone is chasing me. Oh, and Suzanne Sommers’ thigh master!! Well, that’s something… It’s a huge sling shot… I tried to use it in the store. It flew from my legs across the store and came flying back and hit me in the head. That day I lost weight because I was knocked out for 3 hours. I do like the treadmill, but I still can’t get it out of my head that I just walked two miles and I am still in the same place. Push-ups are totally ridiculous, I can hardly sit up. Now, I have to push up. Well, then I thought of crunches. So I bought some nestle crunches. They taste much better and I am working on my jaw muscles… But I did find the perfect diet for me. Atkins, low carb, high fat.. You can eat eggs, bacon, hamburgers, cheese, and my favorite, steak. So, I was sitting in this restaurant yesterday and I was eating this big steak. This lady across from me is eating this hay and grains (a total vegetarian). She comes over to me and says, “Do you know how many animals die because you are eathing their meat?” So, I said, “Do you know how many animals starve to death because you’re eating their food?”

Laughter is the best medicine. Did you know you lose 25 calories every time you laugh? Yes, that is true. So come on down to the The Udder Comedy Club at the Fort William Henry Conference Center and lose some weight!!!!

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