Jodi Weiner
The Udder Comedy Club

“Let Me Put You in the Moooooooood!!!

I moved to the Lake George area from Long Island. To an area where the hicks would say I am a hick. So I am hickier than a hick. People say things to me like, “oh wait until the winter.” Its sort of like that same feeling you would get when your mother said, “wait until your father gets home.” I live up on a hill with a long driveway. Where I used to live I would stick my hand out the door, and I could even do this naked because no one would see me and reach out and get my mail out of the box. Now In order to get my mail, I must walk or drive all the way down my hill then walk up hill. I don’t walk or climb. And the only time I run is when I am being chased. By the time I get back in the house after getting the mail I am already getting a late charge on my bills. And I am too exhausted to read them. A Fed Ex package was left at my mailbox with a note. It was raining and my truck couldn’t get up the hill. It’s too slow. And everyone is scaring the heck out of me about the snow on my driveway in the winter because I overlook a lake. Oh if you don’t be careful you’ll end up in the lake. And all I can picture is me stuck under the ice like in one of those movies where you can’t find the hole to get out. What the heck is that. I come from a place I could get anything delivered. Pizza, Chinese, pharmacy, toilet paper. The pizza places won’t deliver to my area. I am too far. Or I have to meet them at a gas station 4 miles down the road. Meet them. I feel like I am doing a drug deal. I called a landscaper and they want to charge me traveling time. Traveling time!!! And there are animals up here… like bats. Yeah, bats! Not the ones you hit balls with. The ones you see in vampire movies. And the insects are as big as bats. Their wing span is like a bird. When they get in the house it’s like there’s a 757 circling your living room. And when you hit them they don’t die. They laugh at me. Oh, I see you’re not from here are you?

They don’t have 7-11’s that are opened 24 hours or Dairy Barns that you can drive thru. The only thing you can drive thru here is CVS for a prescription so I drive thru there just to get my drive thru fix. But there is a happy ending to all of this. I survived the winter. I must say I now hate the color white, but I love the people. During Christmas, my neighbors all brought homemade cakes and cookies and all kinds of goodies to my home. I never realized what home really was until I found mine and its right here up on a hill.

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